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"The Tortoise and the Hare"

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"Once upon a time, the hare was in his prime"

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"But no matter how high his hop, he was always stopped by Pop"

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"As the sun rose up in the sky, it was time to give it one more try"

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"Run and gun the coach embraced, yet no championship was won in haste"

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"Continually stocking, the hare kept on mocking"

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"No longer in pain, but still just as vain"

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"Their center came back, yet defense he lacked"

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"Though slow and steady, the tortoise would surely be ready"

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"As the hare took the early lead, it appeared the sun would rise indeed"

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"But another tortoise named Rob, would soon make them sob"

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"The hare named Nash, would take a rather large splash"

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"And when another hare ran up a storm, the referees would quickly swarm"

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"Suspended he would be, no matter what the plea"

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"He admitted to making a mistake, but bitter fans kept yelling it's all fake"

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"When the loss inevitable came, they still cried fake all the same"

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"No shame in sight, they continued to put up a fight"

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"Even after the tortoise won it all, they continued to bawl"

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"And so another year passed, maybe the sixty-one wins came fast"

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"But trophy wise, they were no better than last"

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"Slow and steady had won the race, defense had always been the case"




Today on Judge Mathis:
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"A former NBA referee seeks payment for emotional distress"

"The Plaintiff"
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"Your honor, I don't hand out technicals or eject players on a whim. However, this man smiled at me."

"The Defendant"
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"I don't know what Joey is talking about"

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"There look! He's doing it again"

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"Tim are you smiling over there?"

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"No sir"

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"Don't play games with me I'm on to you Tim"

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"Frankly Mr. Crawford I don't see it. Case Dismissed"

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"Bye Joey"

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"Next time Duncan! Next time!"

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"Nah I think I'm gonna be busy looking at these"

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21)

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"I have a brilliant idea! I will trade Elton Brand for Tyson Chandler and make my own version of Duncan and Robinson... "

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"But mine will suck"

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22)

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"Darling, give my compliments to the chef! Best meatballs I've ever had"

"Oh he'd be so happy to hear it! I'll go get him"

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"I understand you enjoyed my balls sir"

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"Yes, they were delicious! Absolutely spectacular! Can I ask what the recipe is my good man?"

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"Ask Chris"

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23)

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"Getting drafted by the team you didn't want: 5 million dollars"

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"Threatening to sit out the year rather than playing in freakin' Milwaukee: Free publicity"

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"Being guaranteed 25 minutes a game and showing up whenever you feel like it.... Priceless"

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24)

Spurs/Nuggets Series 2007:
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"Jr get in there we need a 3, I want you to shoot it"

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*Clang*

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"Don't even look at me, just go back to the bench"

*After Game*

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"I don't know what the hell he was thinking. I told him if you're in the game don't shoot a 3, but I guarantee it won't happen again on my watch. He certainly didn't get the idea from me."

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25)

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"Better Basketball with Steve Nash"

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"Quality Guaranteed Or Your Money Back!"




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1)

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"Hold it!

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"Hold it!!!!"

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"Hold it!!!!!!"

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"Flop!!!!!!!!!!"

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2)

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"Exciting NBA Finals between the Spurs and the Cavs!!!"

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"Bang! What an exciting game between Lebron Hughes and Tim Bowen!!! Somebody picked up a foul, but I'll be damned if I can say their name correctly.... Bang!!!!!"

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"Everything I predict will happen doesn't happen. I'm only here because Tom Tolbert felt the job was beneath him"

"Ratings":

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3)

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"Dr. Duncan M.D"

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"Let me have a look at the patient"

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"I--"

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"I'm sorry there's nothing I can do"

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"Duncan!!!!"

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"Fine...."

*Later*

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"The operation was a success but the patient didn't make it"

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4)

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"Dr. Buss! How do you respond to Kobe's allegation's that you're not trying to improve the Lakers?"

"Ko- Who? Sorry I'm busy right now"

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5)

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"Oden isn't walking out through that door"

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"When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong"

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"Pass it right back"

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"No way. I'm keepin' it real!"

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"Anderson Varejao is gonna take that shot! I can spot a man who keeps it real anywhere Jeff"

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"How do you know what other players are thinking?"

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"I can read minds"

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"Looks like Spurs win Jeff"

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"I'm sorry Lebron. It was my mistake. We're still cool right?"

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"Sure man. No big deal. Me and you are like this!"

*10 Minutes After Game*

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"Trade his ass Ferry"

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"Yes sir!!!!!"

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"Oh well. I kept it real"

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