Rasheed Wallace has threatened to retire if the Celtics choose to place him in the starting lineup.

"I can't be effective playing this way. I'm not used to it. It's tough for me both mentally and physically.

Friends close to Wallace say he wants to shoot threes from the bench and no more than 1-2 minutes per game.

"Where Amazing Happens"

"I got fifty on Dirk missing his next free throws"

"No way man... He's gonna make at least one!"

"Hey guys what do you think you're doing over there?"

"Oh... Uh nothing Tim..."

"Yeah right, now let me in... I want some action, put me down for a hundred"

"Okay, now let's make this happen"

"What?! That wasen't a foul!!!"

"I do believe that was bullsh*t sir"

"Come on you bastard miss it!!!"

"Damn"

"Yess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Wait a second... Why were you so happy just now?"

"Uh... Uh... Nothing! How about twenty dollars?"

"Both teams played hard"

"Classic Draft Day Blunders"

"Joe, I've thought it over... I think we should get Carmelo Anthony"

"Sorry Larry, but my mind's made up. Darko has all the skillz, he's gonna be the next Dirk. You'll see, I'm a genius"

*Later*

"Coach, what play were we running again?"

"Oh you guys just haven't seen Darko in practice. Dude's the Serbian Gangster no joke. You heard it here first. Both teams played hard"

"Well Darko is a fine talent and we're happy to have him on this team. You might be wondering about his lack of minutes..."

"Let me assure you, I have found a special position on the Pistons for someone with Darko's abilities!"

"When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong"

"You sure you can get the stuff through?"

"Yeah it's cool.... I have my ways.. You know me Sheed, I keep it real"

*Later*

"Oh crap"

"Please remove any metallic items you might be carrying"

"Uh... Uh.... What metallic items?"

"Sir, is that tinfoil in your pocket?"

"No fool! It's the weed.... I mean no!!"

"What I meant to say was uh... I'm not carrying weed officer.. I mean tinfoil! I'm not carrying tinfoil!!!"

"I'm gonna need you to come with me"