We here at the Knicks appreciate you coming down in support of your favorite team! That being whatever team the Knicks are playing that night. You may have seen Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant score 61 points in our house this week… That’s making history, and that’s the Knicks superstar guarantee!

Some people (mean people) have criticized our team for poor defense in the past, but they’re just not using the proper terms. We like to think of it as “offensive enhancement” We’re simply good sportsmen, and here at the Knicks we believe everyone deserves to win… As long as they’re not playing for us. I’d also like to clear the air on some rumors. Rumor has it we won’t miss the lottery this year. I’m proud to say those rumors are false! Of course there’s always a chance the rest of the league goes on strike or gets injured leaving a wide-open chance for the Knicks! But we don’t like to discuss risks here at the Knicks. Unless you can bring them to us with 70 million dollar contracts over 6 years.  

Besides we value your free time! We know you have your favorite shows, and there’s some things in life that take priority over us. Like other teams. What’s that you’ve already stopped paying attention to this pamphlet? You say there’s a Lakers pamphlet going around?! We totally understand. See you next year, same time, same record! 

P.S….

Could you get us a copy of the Lakers pamphlet? Thanks.

Yours Truly,

The New York Knicks

"The Tortoise and the Hare"

"Once upon a time, the hare was in his prime"

"But no matter how high his hop, he was always stopped by Pop"

"As the sun rose up in the sky, it was time to give it one more try"

"Run and gun the coach embraced, yet no championship was won in haste"

"Continually stocking, the hare kept on mocking"

"No longer in pain, but still just as vain"

"Their center came back, yet defense he lacked"

"Though slow and steady, the tortoise would surely be ready"

"As the hare took the early lead, it appeared the sun would rise indeed"

"But another tortoise named Rob, would soon make them sob"

"The hare named Nash, would take a rather large splash"

"And when another hare ran up a storm, the referees would quickly swarm"

"Suspended he would be, no matter what the plea"

"He admitted to making a mistake, but bitter fans kept yelling it's all fake"

"When the loss inevitable came, they still cried fake all the same"

"No shame in sight, they continued to put up a fight"

"Even after the tortoise won it all, they continued to bawl"

"And so another year passed, maybe the sixty-one wins came fast"

"But trophy wise, they were no better than last"

"Slow and steady had won the race, defense had always been the case"

"When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong"

"Hey, what do you say we go get a beer after the game"

"I don't know if I should Mike.. I have important GM stuff I gotta do"

"Not even one drink? Looks like Toronto's made you soft Bryan"

"I guess one drink couldn't hurt. I'll keep it real!"

*The Next Day*

"Man, my head is killing me! What happened last night Sam? Tell me I didn't do anything stupid"

"Well... You did give Kapono a 4 year, 24 million dollar contract"

"Very funny Sam"

"Who's laughing?"

"You're not getting me this week, I know it's not April 1st"

".............."

"Oh god!"