“When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong”

"I got this guys. Yao? Pssh! Ain't no thang. I keep it real"

*Pre-Game*

"Hey Ming, you ain't gonna meditate outta the first round son"

".................."

*Later*

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Hey you know I was just playing right"

"No hard feeli-"

"This doesn't look good.  Get the bust out there"

"The Tortoise and the Hare"

"Once upon a time, the hare was in his prime"

"But no matter how high his hop, he was always stopped by Pop"

"As the sun rose up in the sky, it was time to give it one more try"

"Run and gun the coach embraced, yet no championship was won in haste"

"Continually stocking, the hare kept on mocking"

"No longer in pain, but still just as vain"

"Their center came back, yet defense he lacked"

"Though slow and steady, the tortoise would surely be ready"

"As the hare took the early lead, it appeared the sun would rise indeed"

"But another tortoise named Rob, would soon make them sob"

"The hare named Nash, would take a rather large splash"

"And when another hare ran up a storm, the referees would quickly swarm"

"Suspended he would be, no matter what the plea"

"He admitted to making a mistake, but bitter fans kept yelling it's all fake"

"When the loss inevitable came, they still cried fake all the same"

"No shame in sight, they continued to put up a fight"

"Even after the tortoise won it all, they continued to bawl"

"And so another year passed, maybe the sixty-one wins came fast"

"But trophy wise, they were no better than last"

"Slow and steady had won the race, defense had always been the case"

"Hansel and Gretel"

"Once upon a time, a man had not a dime"

"He was being eaten out of house and home, he could not let this child simply roam"

"If the child kept being fed, Pax could not see a life ahead"

"So he allowed him to go with little Zach, and search around for many a snack"

"Candies and chocolates galore, but they always just wanted more"

"Soon they came across a small Frye, who could do no better than cry"

"Don't eat me he said, I can offer you something instead"

"Follow these pieces of bread, and I promise you will be fed"

"Now let me be free, a feast I guarantee"

"So they decided to follow the trail, after Zach stopped off in jail"

"When the authorities found no weed, little Eddie knew it was time to feed"

"They soon came across a store, and started knocking on the door"

"Invited inside, they just couldn't decide"

"What would you like Isiah inquired, you both look quite tired"

"Looking on with most delight, little Eddie wanted everything in sight"

"And poor little Zach, he was having a big mac attack"

"Come let me fatten you up, just have another cup"

"Go to that cage little Curry, there is no need to worry"

"And you can serve me little Zach, here go check on that rack"

"Little Zach sensed something wrong, but decided to play along"

"Come check this fryer Zach said, and then hit Isiah right in the head"

"And so little Eddie and Zach were free, it was time for another spree"

"Let the people be scared, as no buffet would be spared"

"Mr. Knight who do you plan to draft with the 3rd pick this year?"

"Any small forwards in this years draft? I don't know I've been on vacation from 2002 on. I'll have to get back to you"

"But don't you think a pg is necessary for success?!"

"Lolz, please we got Tyrone Lue. Next question"

Today on Judge Mathis:

"A former NBA referee seeks payment for emotional distress"

"The Plaintiff"

"Your honor, I don't hand out technicals or eject players on a whim. However, this man smiled at me."

"The Defendant"

"I don't know what Joey is talking about"

"There look! He's doing it again"

"Tim are you smiling over there?"

"No sir"

"Don't play games with me I'm on to you Tim"

"Frankly Mr. Crawford I don't see it. Case Dismissed"

"Bye Joey"

"Next time Duncan! Next time!"

"Nah I think I'm gonna be busy looking at these"

"I've called this session today to announce that the Knicks are doing all they can to get Kobe Bryant on this team"

"We can put together as competitive a package as anyone else in this league, and the Lakers will have their choice of Marbury or Francis"

"However, Curry is not on the table. I'm not going to get hustled here. They don't call me Zeke for nothing"

"How can you possibly believe the Lakers will accept your offer?"

"Mitch"

"Now I know a lot of you media folk have been bashing me lately and my comments. But let me assure you that when I say we were the best 33-win team of all time, it's fact"

"But Isiah what about leadership and taking some accountability for failing to make the playoffs?"

"Leadership? Leadership?! Son are you really questioning Zeke? I won 2 championships, and when I think of leadership only one person springs to mind."

"What about improving the team?"

"We'll be looking into trade options over the summer"

"YES, we're finally gonna get Mobley like I asked! I knew you'd come through for me Isiah"

"Quiet down Francis! I forgot you were even still on this team. Anyway that'll be it for today guys. Everything's fine in Knicks land I assure you. Be confident in Zeke"

"Please don't fire me James"

"Why wouldn't I want the last shot? When I know I've already made it"

"Jason! Jason! Jason!"

"Jason, snap out of it, what are you doing? Get back on D"

"You must have been daydreaming again Jason.... I hate to be the one to break this to you, but we're both still on the Hawks"

"Thank you all for coming. I've called this conference today to announce things are changing here on the Hawks. You guys have been criticizing me, but let me tell you I got a huge signing to drop. You've seen Childress, and Smith...."

"But today.... I give you Nash!!! Nash come out here to the podium"

"Kevin here will be playing Small Forward for us"

"Steve who?"

"Zaza didn't come tonight coach, who do we play at C?

"Oh man this is a tough one"

"Claxton get out there and guard Dwight"

"But coach!"

"But nothing! That's why they pay me the big bucks!"

*2 years later*

"Psh, Billy shouldn't have we got Adelman?"

"Nah son it's cool, I'm going back to Vegas"