Why "RealGMers" Should Never Actually Be GMs
This is how I picture a meeting with typical RealGMers in charge. Notice the lack of females at the table? That's no accident. Pssh, the RealGMer doesn't need that!!! There's more important issues to be discussed. Like Kobe's efficiency from halfcourt or what kind of dump KG took last week. Inevitably, upon several weeks here you'll come to understand the truths RealGMers hold dear:
1)Age:
The age of the NBA player is supremely important!! Any player who's played more than a year in the league should be traded for draft picks. You don't need those pesky veterans on your team! They might bring in wins, and ruin chances at the lottery. RealGMers love when their team most resembles high school varsity. They also despise the age limit. The correct number is right out of the vagina! RealGMers would then predictably trade the baby a month later. Probably for the draft rights to an infant yet to be born and cash.
2) Underrated
Role players are underrated. Superstars are overrated. Don't forget this cardinal rule, even when your team misses the playoffs. RealGMers love finding a diamond in the rough... Because then they can trade him for higher draft picks later. The key to knowing when a player is no longer underrated is when he's about to get a larger contract. Then that greedy bastard better get out! RealGMers secretly aspire to be Donald Sterling.
"Nice to see you back here Rick! Who do you plan to draft from the lotto this year"
"Well you know we've been looking at alot of players, but it'll probably be some random 7'0 footer from overseas."
"What about Durant?"
"Oh yeah yeah! You're right, I'm not sure who we'll trade him for yet"
"This is bull! That pick should be mine, the whole lotto system is bull"
"That's too bad lolz 4th pick"
"I never thought I'd say this but send me to Atlanta"
"Ohhh... Sorry Pau, we kind of need a wing player right now. Don't take it personally. Looks like I gotta go."
"The Official 2007 NBA Draft Summary: Part 2"
"New Jersey Nets"
"Rod Thorn, what made you look past Shawne's off the court issues?"
"Well, he only smokes it in his spare time Mike!! I don't see an issue"
"He's gonna love it here"
"Not now Cliff!!!"
"Atlanta Hawks"
"Billy, promise me you'll take Conley with the 3rd pick!!"
"Okay, okay!! I promise"
*Later*
"I took a forward"
"The Official 2007 NBA Draft Summary: Part 1"
"Golden State Warriors"
"Chris Mullin, we need to know! Why did you decide to trade for Wright?"
"Well Brandon Wright is as looonnnnnnngg as anything... What?"
"Huh, huh... Long"
"Los Angles Lakers"
"Let me tell you something right now!! Sun Yue, is going to be the chinese Toni Kukoc!"
"Not only that but his favorite rapper is Usher! Kobe's gotta be a happy man out there Jay"
"Milwaukee Bucks"
"Yi! How do you feel about being selected to the Milwaukee Bucks?!!!
"Well its opportunity for Yi.... I get to play in NBA and.... and.. I can't do this. Yi hate Bucks!! Help me Stuart, help me escape!!!!!"
"Classic Draft Day Blunders"
"Joe, I've thought it over... I think we should get Carmelo Anthony"
"Sorry Larry, but my mind's made up. Darko has all the skillz, he's gonna be the next Dirk. You'll see, I'm a genius"
*Later*
"Coach, what play were we running again?"
"Oh you guys just haven't seen Darko in practice. Dude's the Serbian Gangster no joke. You heard it here first. Both teams played hard"
"Well Darko is a fine talent and we're happy to have him on this team. You might be wondering about his lack of minutes..."
"Let me assure you, I have found a special position on the Pistons for someone with Darko's abilities!"
"When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong"
"There she is rookie, I told you this spot was hot! Now get a 100... Consider it a finders fee..."
"Hundred?! You must be out of your mind Karl.. I'm not paying that kind of money. I keep it real!"
"Suit yourself"
*Later*
"I ain't paying no hundred, I can find my own..."
"Looking for some action?"
"I certainly am"
"Wait a minute!!!! Dennis Rodman??!"
"Guilty"
"Do you take draft picks?"
