"Classic Draft Day Blunders"
"Joe, I've thought it over... I think we should get Carmelo Anthony"
"Sorry Larry, but my mind's made up. Darko has all the skillz, he's gonna be the next Dirk. You'll see, I'm a genius"
*Later*
"Coach, what play were we running again?"
"Oh you guys just haven't seen Darko in practice. Dude's the Serbian Gangster no joke. You heard it here first. Both teams played hard"
"Well Darko is a fine talent and we're happy to have him on this team. You might be wondering about his lack of minutes..."
"Let me assure you, I have found a special position on the Pistons for someone with Darko's abilities!"
"How To Draft A Bust"
The Foreign Guy Method:
This method has been passed down from one generation to the next. Take the Euro guy... Or the Chinese guy. It doesn't really matter, as long as nobody knows anything about them. Not even you! The lesser the better. In fact strive to find a player coming from the most obscure of leagues. A league so remote, they might not even have cameras yet! But if they do, they should provide nice healthy footage like this:
I retrieved that one straight out of Joe Dumar's personal stash! Remember, fans love the unknown. Always do the unexpected. Superstar college ball player leading his team to the final 4?? I don't think so! You need to draft that one guy Tskzievillizicrapllliiia. For reference sakes, if you can pronounce it, he probably isn't foreign enough. Don't make the wrong choice!
The best part about drafting the foreign guy is well, they'll work for anything. It doesn't matter what the team, they'll stay loyal. Even if you're in Canada! But there is one exception... Milwaukee. Yes, Milwaukee isn't quite a favorite among foreigners.. Or anyone for that matter. But fear not aspiring Bucks GMs! There's hope yet!
The Larry Harris Method:
If somehow you've ended up in Milwaukee and unable to escape this method should be applied. Is there a player that doesn't wanna come to your team? Draft him anyway. In fact laugh while doing it. If you can't leave Milwaukee nobody else can either.
'The Refusal'
One problem you might run into is lack of cooperation. Every once in a while, some player will think he can out think you. He won't put his signature down on the dotted line and make demands. Fortunately, this is a minor issue for the Larry Harris method! Here take a look at how Larry himself gets the contracts signed:
'Watch the Bucks'
Larry's own patented method is as scary as they come. Simply take the resisting player to a closed room and force them to watch a Bucks game. After five, maximum of ten minutes (though no one has ever come close), the boredom will become so large the player will sign anything! Just make it stop!
"When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong"
"Look Otis, I want a max contract! I don't care what's it gonna cost you, or who you get rid of.. Just make it happen"
"No problem Shard my boy! I'm getting a sign and trade as we speak. You're going to be the richest player this side of KG! Don't worry I keep it real!"
"That's what I'm talkin' about Otis. I'm glad we had this talk"
"Is he gone?"
"Yeah you can take the mask off now"
"Thank god! It was so hot in that thing"
"You'll never get away with this Darko! Now, let me go!"
"Shut up Otis! You're lucky contracts only go up to 126 million"
"Everybody makes fun of me like I'm some kind of a joke. Well who's the joke now Otis? Who's all tied up with nowhere to go?"
"You bastard!"
"I keep it real"
"When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong"
"So, are we gonna be talking about my contract extension soon?"
"Oh... Uhh.. Of course.. And what was your name again son?"
"Darko sir!"
"Corko, my boy, let me tell you something.. The Magic are doing all they can to sign you! Don't worry, I keep it real"
"It's actually Darko sir! But thank you! I'm so relieved"
*The Next Day*
"And this will be your office, Mr. Lewis"
"Hey guys!!! Come on, you know that's my office! Quit fooling around"
"Oh Zorko, you didn't get my fax?"
"What fax sir?"
"Look Garko, baby, it's not really that you're fired.. But.. Well... Maybe, Rashard can put it into words better than me"
"Yo' ass just don't work here no more"
"I guess it's back to my old job"
"Unexplained Mysteries"
"Lynn, I'm taking off early today, got a date with the wife. Don't worry, I locked the office"
"Okay, Mr. West.. You have fun now!"
"................."
*Click*
"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*Later*
"When'd you sign him Jerry?"
"Good question.... I have no freaking idea!"
"I came to the office this morning and the paperwork was all finished"
