The Answer
by Nir Regev

Today I watched my childhood hero reduced to a normal person
Fourteen years ago I came across an individual different than the rest
A small basketball player, tiny in his world, who overcame in a land of giants
He was confident, he had heart, but most importantly he was fast
Lightening speed to be exact, you could never catch him
The only way to stop him was to hurt him

I watched the inevitable occur tonight and even though I knew the day would come
I didn't want to believe it
You see I've always believed in speed
Everything must be fast, everything must be instant
Everything must happen, or everything never will

In my youth I took pride in running against people
It was not enough to win, I wanted a gap forever stitched in their mind that they could never beat me in a race
Here was this rookie barely any taller than me running circles around the competition
He couldn't be stopped unless quite literally slammed to the ground by multiple people
He kept getting up over and over again, he was my role model, I looked up and I believed in the message, I believed in the Answer

The time came in the year 2001,that 'The Answer' made a dream run and prove what I believed to be true, that speed reigns over everything, and you can do anything without anyone's help
And it was so very, very close to being realized
Then a mere inch from the finish line something happened
He came in second
And It was never that close again

Every year after I watched, I cheered, I supported
I caught every game, every piece of news, every interview, every practice
But it never happened
In fact the more I wanted it to happen, the worst it got
That run was over nine years ago

As I watched my role model now officially cut from where he started it all, it's hard to watch
It's sad to watch
But the most difficult part through all this
Is the lesson that nothing is forever, that there's no going back to a certain time
Speed is a product of youth, speed burns out
It's temporary
You only get one chance with it
In the end it wasn't getting hurt that was Iverson's greatest enemy
It was getting older

My latest parody 24: Lebron shows what really happened behind the scenes! Jack Bauer investigates. Visit my all new fun to read NBA comedy site www.lolnba.com! - OneAnswer

I'm pleased to announce the launch of www.LOLSUMMIT.com. Your one stop source for political comedy!

"First off, I'd like to thank all of you for coming on short notice"

"I'd like to bury these heinous rumors! Let me say there's a time and a place for everything... And it's called Reuben Patterson's house"

"So as you can see, this woman is simply after Zeke's mone-"

"Mr. Thomas, DNA evidence has been found as of 10 am this morning. How do you respond?"

"Get Francis in here.. He's gonna need to take the fall on this one"

"Sir, you fired Francis"

"I did what?!"

"Mr. Thomas you haven't responded to my question"

"Here's my response... Son have you won two championships?

"No I haven't......"

"Well Zeke has"

"But what does that have to do with anythin-"

"This conference is over"

Rubio's agent Dan Fegan has given notice to the Timberwolves that Ricky loves the franchise, and can't wait to play for them.

However, he feels the Timberwolves would be better off in another city, preferably one with beaches and beautiful women. So not Minnesota.

"We're not asking for much, Ricky and me simply feel the Timberwolves would be better off somewhere else" Fegan stated.

Rubio has also requested Johnny Flynn remain in Minnesota after the Timberwolves find a new home.

Rasheed Wallace has threatened to retire if the Celtics choose to place him in the starting lineup.

"I can't be effective playing this way. I'm not used to it. It's tough for me both mentally and physically.

Friends close to Wallace say he wants to shoot threes from the bench and no more than 1-2 minutes per game.

Donnie Walsh was given the cold shoulder and had his advances rejected earlier this week. Both Jason Kidd as well as Grant Hill gave the greenlight to call, and even personally stored their numbers in Walsh's cell.

However, neither picked up. After listening to Jason's voicemail seventeen times in one hour, Walsh knew it was over.

Internal sources say Walsh went into a frenzy, screaming about how "he doesn't need Kidd or Grant anyway", writing 2010 all over his office walls, and demanding everyone hold hands and pray for Lebron.

One anonymous source claimed complete madness, citing one employee who was fired for failing to drink vitamin water. Another employee was similarly let go for forgetting a new Knicks policy of not shaking hands in preparation for James.

BSPN has learned the now infamous dunk tape will be auctioned for charity. The winner however, will have to sign off on one agreement.

Nike has attached a 'no Youtube' clause meaning the winner can not show the video nor spread it around the internet.

Only one person will enjoy the schadenfreude of the shameful dunk. No one else.

Rumor has it Lakers Kobe Bryant and Ron Artest as well as Heat guard Dwayne Wade are among the prospective bidders.

The auction will begin at noon tommorow at
www.Nike.com/lebron-just-got-dunked-on/

'Wow! That was a nice dunk homie, ya got me! Hold on a sec,  I gotta make a quick phone call"

"It was really nice of you to hold this camp Mr. James. We were wondering if we could have a tape, a little memorabilia for the kids you know?"

"Oh, of course.  I'll get right on it sir"

"Hey, it's Lebron! Are there any recordings or tapes of today? Really, that's great!! Erase them"

The New York Times reports the NBA as a leading employer for women for 2009. Coincidentally, FIU is no longer a leading employer for women. Isiah Thomas could not be reached to comment.