My latest parody 24: Lebron shows what really happened behind the scenes! Jack Bauer investigates. Visit my all new fun to read NBA comedy site www.lolnba.com! - OneAnswer

"First off, I'd like to thank all of you for coming on short notice"

"I'd like to bury these heinous rumors! Let me say there's a time and a place for everything... And it's called Reuben Patterson's house"

"So as you can see, this woman is simply after Zeke's mone-"

"Mr. Thomas, DNA evidence has been found as of 10 am this morning. How do you respond?"

"Get Francis in here.. He's gonna need to take the fall on this one"

"Sir, you fired Francis"

"I did what?!"

"Mr. Thomas you haven't responded to my question"

"Here's my response... Son have you won two championships?

"No I haven't......"

"Well Zeke has"

"But what does that have to do with anythin-"

"This conference is over"

'Wow! That was a nice dunk homie, ya got me! Hold on a sec,  I gotta make a quick phone call"

"It was really nice of you to hold this camp Mr. James. We were wondering if we could have a tape, a little memorabilia for the kids you know?"

"Oh, of course.  I'll get right on it sir"

"Hey, it's Lebron! Are there any recordings or tapes of today? Really, that's great!! Erase them"

The New York Times reports the NBA as a leading employer for women for 2009. Coincidentally, FIU is no longer a leading employer for women. Isiah Thomas could not be reached to comment.

Reports have it Mark Jackson has hired a new agent to get him a coaching job in the NBA. Only one thing is certain.... Please let it be the Knicks

How are the Sixers gonna find playing time for all these superstars?

Philly will do whatever's  necessary to keep Iggy happy, unless that includes the second round. It's simply the Sixer way! What better way to say "Hey Iggy... We care" then to get a true legend? There's starters, there's bench players, then there's Kapono. Sixer fans are way toooo spoiled. 

Naturally Iggy can barely contain his excitement,

"BIG NEWS COMING FROM PHILLY IN ABOUT 30 MIN!!!!!!!!!!! YALL SAID WE NEED A SHOOTER, WELL HOW ABOUT THIS GUY??? STAY TUNED...." - Iggy's Twitter

Iggy knows what's up.

Rumors are flying Danny Ainge is planning on a special welcome ceremony for Rajon Rondo this year! Mainly a one way ticket to Phoneix. Yes it's vacation time in Celtics land and everyone knows Ainge loves dishing out the fun!

Antoine Walker was so happy with his, why he didn't even need to come back!  Ainge will even be kind enough to throw in pal Ray Allen to the mix, just as long as Rondo promises to pass the necessary physical and not come back.

Chicago Bulls fans can rest easy tonight knowning that there is no proof of Derrick Rose SAT sheningans.  Several likely suspects were tested, however, none scored quite low enough to provide evidence of tampering. Clearly this will remain a mystery for the ages.

Lebron James responded to Saturday's loss with the class and grace of a true English gentlemen.  Naturally this meant ignoring passe  rituals like handshakes and bouncing back to his moms. People need to understand, vitamin water and press conferences just don't mix!  James is simply a progressive man in a modern age.

"Cheated on my SATS? Preposterous! I'm a true academic, go ahead ask me anything"

"Who was Shakespeare?"

"Oh dude with the mustache?! Son was mad crazy. I just happen to have one of his books right here"

"That's Clifford the Big Red Dog"

"Uh. Uh.  Conference over"